Uncle Calls His Brother's 16-Year-Old Stepdaughter 'Not Gorgeous' After Calling His Niece 'Gorgeous'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jan 25, 2024 3:00 PM EST

When you're a kid, you notice every little nuance about how adults speak to you. If your parents, teachers, or relatives treat you differently from your siblings or your peers in any way, you will pick up on it and stew about it for a while. If your parents call you smart but they call your sister pretty, that's obviously going to have an effect on you in the long term. It's important to treat kids equitably, even if you're possibly stretching the truth a little bit. 

One uncle recently asked Reddit if he's the bad guy for complimenting his niece but not his brother's stepdaughter. He was getting pretty irritated with his brother's wife fishing for compliments on behalf of her daughter. He complimented his niece's appearance, and after his sister-in-law asked if her daughter was gorgeous too, he snapped and said she wasn't gorgeous. Talk about going way too far! 

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  • 01
    02.0 r/AmltheAsshole u/SubstantialSea2965 • 7h ● AITA for saying my brother's stepdaughter is not gorgeous? My brother and SIL have 2 daughter F14 Bria that is his and F16 Leah that is hers.
    via u/SubstantialSea2965
  • 02
    The problem compliments is my SIL. Every time someone Bria we MUST also compliment Leah otherwise she will get mad. For example if I tell Bria that she is very talented in something SIL will interrupt me and say "but isn't Leah also very talented?" It's annoying. I can't say a single word to my niece unless I say it to Leah too.
    via u/SubstantialSea2965
  • 03
    A few days ago we were at their home and the girls were getting ready to go to a party. Bria was looking absolutely gorgeous so I told her "omg Bria you look gorgeous"
    via u/SubstantialSea2965
  • 04
    SIL interrupted me again and said "but isn't Leah very gorgeous?" I finally snapped and said "no she is not" she looked at me shocked and said what the is wrong with you to say that. I told her I didn't want to say that but since she wanted to know I answered truthfully. If she thinks her daughter is gorgeous then she should tell her but she can't expect people to compliment her
    via u/SubstantialSea2965
  • 05
    wzardwrld999 - 7h YTA - assuming that Leah heard what you had said. She's a 16 year old girl. That could seriously have an adverse effect on her self esteem. It's a way to get back at your SIL by making Leah hurt. It is also true though, that yes, you shouldn't have to compliment Leah every time you compliment Bria. But she's 16 and teens that age are sensitive and always looking for validity in who they are and how they look.
    via u/wzardwrld999
  • 06
    In the end though, I'd say YTA because I'd expect an adult to handle that situation better without hurting a 16 year olds already fragile self esteem. You said it yourself "The problem is my SIL". So why did you make it Leah's problem and force her to be the casualty in the problem you have with SIL? Edit: Made text bold since some people think verdict should be ESH. Regardless of SIL, there's absolutely no excuse for OP handling it so poorly thus making OP the AH Reply 48.7k ↓ ...
    via u/wzardwrld999
  • 07
    raznov1 5h Also if both are dressing up for a party at the same time, only saying to one "you're gorgeous" and not to the other, even without the "no she's not"? That's a move. It costs literally nothing to just say "oh my god you _girls_ look so pretty" ... 4.3k
    via u/raznov1
  • 08
    Hidden Maragon 4h This is one of those posts where my brain is sending me warning signals that there's likely context missing. The SIL advocating for her daughter to get complements is a likely indication that op is ignoring the step niece while gushing over the biological niece. Of course it's natural for one to favor family, but it sounds like op might have taken it too far for it to be called out repeatedly by the mom. It's a sensitive dynamic and could easily trigger self esteem and jealousy
    via u/HiddenMaragon
  • 09
    Sweet_Aggressive • 4h This exact thought occurred to me. If mom is constantly fishing for compliments for her daughter, there's a reason. ... 695
    via u/Sweet_Aggressive
  • 10
    Echo EchoEcho9 . 4h The brother and sil are married but the aunt still refers to one child as her brother's and the other is SIL's- leading me to believe that SIL's daughter may often be ignored at best. ↑ 600
    via u/EchoEchoEcho9
  • 11
    Greekgreekcookies. 3h And the step niece entered the family at two years old. OP has two nieces. Personally I wouldn't even refer to the older one as a step since she was a baby when the families got together. I hope it's just OP and not other family members that make such a distinction between the two. I have a bunch of step cousins but we were all young when they joined the family. Nobody calls them step anything 4412 ↓
    via u/Greekgreekcookies
  • 12
    Disastrous_Cress_701 - 6h Partassipant [2] Esh She's annoying. You were cruel You should have said "of course both girls are beautiful, but it's not a competition and I don't have to compliment everyone each time, it's ridiculous" Reply 43.5k
    via u/Disastrous_Cress_701
  • 13
    waitingfordeathhbu . 6h I don't have to compliment everyone each time Is it just me, or does op give the impression she only ever compliments Bria? She also only refers to Bria as her niece, while Leah is just SIL's daughter. Given her obliviousness and cruelty, I'm thinking maybe SIL has had enough and is prompting her to be nicer to her other daughter for good reason. G 2.1k ...
    via u/waitingfordeathhbu
  • 14
    SongsOfOwls • 6h If Leah was there, YTA. It's not her fault and you directly insulted her. Believe me, they'll remember it probably forever. If not, NTA, I guess, but you should still learn how to have an adult conversation about annoyances and such before innocent people get hurt also calling referring to a teenage kid as "absolutely gorgeous" is a bit strange but that's neither here nor there ... Reply 1.2k
    via u/SongsOfOwls
  • 15
    Haunting_Aide421. 5h Partassipant [3] Even if Leah wasn't there, OP is a massive . Not only did they get frustrated because of the sil trying her best to make sure that both of her daughters get equal treatment, something that, if not done, Leah would have resented her mum and her sister. But also, when op snapped, op literally took out their frustrations of sil out on Leah. That's not fair ... 235
    via u/Haunting_Aide421
  • 16
    VisionCreationSunnO • 6h YTA You told a 16 year old girl that she's not gorgeous, after complimenting her sister? That's horrible. Imagine how she must feel hearing that, especially as a 16 year old girl. You're absolutely the ... Reply 848
    via u/VisionCreationSunnO
  • 17
    qptw . 6h YTA. You don't like how your SIL acts? That's fine. You don't want to adhere to what she tells you to do? Fine. But you should not have done it right in front of the children. You could as well have stayed silent and pretend like you didn't hear what your SIL said, and talked to her privately after this. But telling a pair of sisters one of them is beautiful and the other is not is just a massive jerk move.
    via u/qptw
  • 18
    For gods sake they are children, especially since they haven't done anything wrong. You have a personal grudge against the parent, which is fine. But you should not have taken your anger out on the child. Edit: I assumed Leah is around since OP was talking to Bria. If one of the sisters is there I assumed the other is close by, especially how the SIL pressed OP. Also I can see why the SIL acts that way since OP clearly has favoritism. So the SIL is probably fed up that one of her daughters is be
    via u/qptw

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family drama teenager teenage gorgeous brother teenagers reddit story daughters mean uncle reddit thread daughter Reddit pretty brothers Mean People
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